LIM MUI

the skillet hot

as you pinch cabbage out 

tilt your head back

slither soggy greens into your mouth

steamingly 

“I love cabbage”

you mumble

barely chew

swallow

​

i already knew that

why else would i cook it?

my dad's favorite buttery invention

since age 8 i worshipped the slimy vegetable

​

your hair half up

dark circles spooning bark colored irises

crusty blood under your fingernails

​

often i fantasize about our toes  

the tips of them perfectly fitting into the gaps of each other

it’s impossible, i know

my toes too long 

yours too short

at least there’s no blood under the nails of your toes

or is there?

​

while driving home to you

lavender painted the sky, blue and pale

peaking from behind the storm ridden fluff 

yellow shine hugging the edge; a golden lining

ideal for a backdrop of Midsummer 

or another hoax of my imagination

i try.

“did you see the rainbow today?” you ask

you were telling something

i hadn’t.

trapped in feeling;

i neglect to answer

​

instead distracted mind ventures on an unconscious scavenger hunt:

thoughts of the (capital G) gay spectrum of colors cut in line 

their shine in bubbles, gasoline, acid trips, and the universe  

in galaxies pigments match flawlessly, without order or convention

this leads to thoughts of the unknown, of magic

a ponderment on monkeys and fire

escalating to humans and touch.

all concluding in the question of love,

winning in the feeling of you.

​

there’s a reason for rainbows, and there’s a reason for us -

other than medicating loneliness

​

the instant my neurological maze climaxes to emotional release 

soggy cabbage swings between chimpanzee lips 

“ouch, it’s hot,” you say

“I know,” i say

“when will it be done?”

“does it matter? you're already --- "

a freeze consumes your body

as it does when I spill a bad line

you reverse

flash me your back and mutter

“my bad.”

​

you exit the kitchen

​

no curtains

no finale or grand exit

and surely no standing ovation 

i want to call after 

tell you about the lavender heavens, rainbows in space, our love 

tell you the reason for no reason

no why

​

instead i stand above

over cooked cabbage

father's style

grab the spoon to scoop out a ---

Ouch.

a burn drips down my chin and bottom lip

inattention's karma saying hi

 

will i ever understand your perfectly filthy grace?

are you a child left out in humid swamps, inside only to feed off cold attention?

are you the snow satin swan fluttering away when the air is fairytale happy?

are you both ---

​

you’re both

and I am none.

​

caught

hypnotized hopelessly

deciphering translation among precise flaps

and murky brown frequency